RESPECT - Find out what it means to me.

Our lives can so easily become full of old habits, avoiding feelings and being busy. Mindfulness has helped me become more aware of my feelings, thoughts and patterns over the years. Which in itself I assure you is not an easy path to happiness as it reveals firstly what is going on inside and where we may require growth and change to let happiness flow through.

What is respect? Is it colourful?  Simple/Complex? Beautiful? Graffiti? Or something else... ?

This Christmas I became aware of how some people were in the habit of treating me in a way that was triggering a jitteriness and anger inside me.

A few days later after processing and journaling, I realised I wasn't feeling respected in the relationship.

So I sent a text naming that and asking if we could talk about it. Some hours later - as is appropriate with these things, I got a text back. To my surprise and relief, in the response I could see that the other party didn't really know what respect means. So we had a place to start a conversation that wasn't just a slinging match of saying mean things about each other. We've since messaged definitions to one another. The one I sent was from the Kids Helpline website which defines behaviours that do and don't reflect respect. Things like listening, asking "How are you?", and saying Thank you.

While I'm all for challenging societies norms, I find manners a useful way to talk about and even teach empathy, confidence, social norms, kindness and boundaries. Respect is such a wonderful foundation for all relationships that I have to wonder, if everyone got this right, all the time, there would be no social anxiety, because everyone would feel safe, heard and seen.

Social norms make interactions more predictable which gives people some sense of control. Control is an important part of feeling safe. Once we know this about control and we know what social norms are we can play with it through or design of any kind including stories, games and movies, advertising, fashion, humour and course or class design. Allowing others a sense of choice or control is a part of respect.

A friend, struggling with one of her family relationships was telling me all the reasons she felt she deserved respect. "I have a house, a job"... etcetera. But it's more simple than that.

You deserve respect just because you exist.

Abuse it, then loose it. The same rules apply for everyone.

Reflecting on where and when you become disrespectful can help to build compassion and understanding for yourself and others. Perhaps there are ways you can be kinder and more respectful towards yourself? Perhaps you feel your reserves of empathy, joy, love, kindness and compassion could use recharging?

Meditation is a beautiful way to restock those reserves. Sometimes I can go from feeling lousy to buoyant with just 15 minutes of sitting quietly noticing what I can hear and see. Noticing my breath and how I'm feeling inside. Noticing the qualities of my mind, if it's feeling fast or slow or fuzzy or light or clear... Noticing the sensations of the emotions and feelings that I'm experiencing. And all the while letting judgements pass by rather than telling myself stories of how good or bad things are and then problem solving. This practice lets me settle back into my body, heart and soul. To a place of safety and wonder where I am no longer entangled with the emotional drama of the experience. It blows me away how my whole reality can shift in such a short space in time. That's why I love sharing meditation and mindfulness with others too. So they can find greater peace, love and happiness in life.

Just the way it is.

Find Mindfulness and Meditation sessions via the Services Page.